Why Movie Theatres Should Be More Like Grocery Stores
Sweat stains began to blossom beneath his armpits as he raised his hand to wipe the salty substance from his brow. This was his chance. Kylan Chester schlepped toward the door, grabbed the copper handle, pushed his shoulders back, and plastered a wanna-be suave grin across his mug. “About time” spewed from the mouth of the short brown woman with the vivid violet shaved hair.
Ms. Sheikh stood 5 foot 4 but towered over the movie theatre industry as the President and CEO of the National Association of Theatre Owners (NATO). Her daughter swindled her into taking this meeting and now she was on the hook for a 45-minute monologue from this Trader Heaux’s cashier-turned-corporate consultant. Kylan took a deep breath before launching in with the untimely starter sentence, “Your industry is wack, it’s under attack. If you don’t straighten up quickly, Netflix will snatch your snapback.” “You’re not seriously going to rhyme this whole session, are you?” snorted Ms. Sheikh. Kylan continued his rhyme in double time:
“I’ve got 3 recommendations that I’ve got to lay down before theatres are no longer part of Tinseltown.
Here’s a quick overview to start us off so you don’t get lost as I throw your old ideas in the trough.
First things first, listen here, I’m a lover of film, to me it’s so dear.
But the last few years I just watch online because going to the theatre feels like a waste of time.
First to do to get butts back in seats is to provide a better array of optical treats.
Think about mega bodegas like Roger’s or Pubix, when I go there wanting something specific, I don’t have to draw sticks.
There’s the Aisan, Hispanic, even Kosher aisle.
But when I got to AMC, Marvel is plastered on every tile.
If I feel like watching a mainly Asian cast at my local cinema, I’ve got to wait longer than it takes to enjoy an enema.
And don’t get me started on Taco Tuesday night, I can go get all the ingredient at any time I like. But don’t let me dare crave a taste of Mexicanidad.
Spielberg and Disney only get that itch once every century.
Imagine if my cinephile palate could be satiated as easily as my gastronomically desired Mexican salad?
To a degree you all are already doing this with endless war flicks and superhero tropes.
But it’s weird how you pop in a BIPOC character so all your minority viewers can cope.
The absurd level of ticket sales for nouveau classics like Black Panther and Crazy Rich Asians is evidence enough of theatre’s over-reliance on caucacious pervasion.
You have to admit US viewers are becoming cultural omnivores, sampling every film concept from the farthest shores.
If you don’t feel like going the race route just yet, other categorizations can provide a surefire bet.
Take a tip from the comfort food pop-up stands and create a self-help picture show land.
It develops a built in community of like minded folk who are trying to make their inner spirit more woke.
When Starbucks can become the “third place” after the home and workplace, then surely Regal can develop into the fourth space.
And if concept-driven experiences don’t rub you just right, I’ve got my 3rd and last recommendation so Cinemark can take flight.
But that, my dear client, is all you will get for now.
If you want any more you’ll have to contact the Eboni Freeman Institute to get the biggest idea with the greatest amount of wow.”
Ms. Sheikh leans back in her purple cotton chair while crossing her arms. “What did you say the email address is?” Kylan looks at her with a small smile and lifts his hand to be shook before declaring “I would have done this sooner if I knew that’s all it took.” “Don’t get ahead of yourself, I’m only signing you on as a 6-month consultant.” replied Ms. Sheikh with a smirk. “That’s all we’ll need to get the first phase to work!”
This article was written based on research from the following sources: NYT’s ‘Why Do Grocery Stores Still Have Ethnic Aisles?,’ Business Insider’s ‘Millennials are killing the 'ethnic aisle' — and insiders and experts say that's a good thing,’ Kenya Barris’ ‘#BlackAF,’ and Starbucks’ ‘Starbucks ceo: The third place, needed now more than ever before,’ remixed using the Eboni Freeman Institute tone, humor, and point of view.